Walking through this journey with my mom, even though she is gone

Grief is a very strange thing..

In this photo you see a pair of socks I should most certainly throw out.. and truth to be told, I had them in my garbage after really debating about whether or not I should.

I took them out the next morning.

You see the white line on them? That was my moms name tag to identify they were hers while she was in a long term care home.

Maybe I have an attachment to odd items.. but to me they represent so much.

I’ve walked in my own shoes, I’ve walked in her shoes and now when I wear them I know she gets to walk the sober side with me.. and for that reason, I can’t let them go.

After my mom passed it was not like a chapter closed because through my own journey it is like I got to know her and understand her even more.

I know what it feels like to struggle. I know what it feels like to believe “I can’t do this.” I know what it feels like to be convinced I’m the only one who feels this way (as it turns out, it is not even remotely true.) I know what it feels like to think my entire life will look different and lonely if I choose to quit drinking. I know all of the fears.

I also know all of the freedom.

As it turns out, it is more beautiful and fulfilling than I could have imagined.

I know what it feels like to shift from a disempowered to an empowered mindset, to wake up every morning with gratitude and to truly realize that my opinion of myself is the one I should be paying attention to.

As I walk this path of helping others find freedom from alcohol or other destructive habits - it is pretty neat to know she gets to walk it with me.. even if our socks have been through it (which is another visual representation of the struggle and resilience)..

Just know if you’ve ever questioned your habits, worried about your drinking/drug use, struggled in silence - you are never alone. The bravest and strongest thing you can ever do is reach out/speak up, ask for help, or find a community of like minded people who will help you understand the issue is the substance and the issue is not you.