I am a part of many communities where people are wanting to cut down on their drinking or they want to quit entirely... and the holidays always present a unique challenge.
At this point in time, alcohol has not crossed my mind for years. Yes, I coach and help people find freedom from alcohol so I speak about it daily but aside from coaching, it just doesn't take up any mental space. Do I think about strategies before going out? Nope. Do I have a routine or ritual to maintain my alcohol free lifestyle? Nope. I've built (and I am building) a life I don't want to escape from. I don't want to blur the lenses and waste 1/2 of the day tomorrow, or let's be honest, the whole day. I also surround myself with people who could not care less that I don't drink and I am not phased by their choice to drink. I have no interest in drinking. Do bad days happen? Yep. Do they suck? Yep. Would alcohol help? Nope. I've never smoked a cigarette a day in my life and that is the way that I see alcohol. This is hard to believe considering I associated alcohol with everything. I do not judge those who drink and I also do not envy them. I love my clear minded mornings and I've said it many times, but I've never woke up and wished I had drank last night.
Holidays + alcohol just go hand in hand, right? Isn't that the same for alcohol + sports, alcohol + celebrations, alcohol +grief, etc? I do see the difference though, it is everywhere you go, all month long. That kind of reminds me of summer to be honest... time can feel like a blur and any day is a good day to drink, or so the theory goes... I don't believe there is ever going to be an "easy time" to stop drinking because there will always be a holiday, event, or thing "you just can't miss" - but here is the good news, you don't have to miss a thing. You can keep the traditions and change the ingredient.
Alcohol is normalized and encouraged at the best of times, heck it's normalized and encouraged at the worst of times... during the holidays it is normalized and encouraged all of the time. It is probably one of the most popular gifts as well lets be honest. Don't know what to get someone? Their favourite bottle is always an easy option. So even if you don't buy it for yourself, there is a chance you'll be given something and booze is pretty free flowing at most holiday events.
When I stopped drinking it was the beginning of December and my mom had passed the month prior. Her birthday was Christmas Eve and I knew I would be feeling a lot of feelings throughout the holidays. After spending years numbing and escaping, what a gift to be able to feel everything, even if many of those feelings were quite heavy.
The holidays can bring up so many different feelings for people. Happiness, sadness, grief, pain, gratitude, celebration, isolation, connection, the list goes on and on. Instead of automatically reaching for a glass to provide yourself with "comfort," what if you ask yourself "what do I need in this moment" instead? And for those of us who have lost someone, I realize that question may provide a tough answer or something that you can't have - but the bottom of a bottle isn't going to give you what you are looking for either. So the next question could be "how can I provide myself with comfort at this time?"
There are many social gatherings where the booze will be easily accessible and it can be scary to say "I'm not drinking." It is also becoming a lot more common and normalized. It is an empowered decision you are making for yourself that you should not feel bad about. No one is out here questioning why you aren't smoking cigarettes or doing cocaine.
It is so interesting that alcohol is associated with connection because ultimately alcohol is disconnecting you from yourself, therefore it does affect your connection with other people. If I wouldn't share something with someone when I'm not drinking, I sure as heck don't want to share it with someone because I am drinking. But that is what I used to do and I would consider it bonding or connection. To me, the ultimate connection is getting to spend time with people and be completely present. It also allows me to connect to my intuition, and if I'm guarded or not spilling my guts, there is a reason for that. That intuition gets clouded and lost when you are drinking.
You can connect without alcohol.
You can have fun without alcohol.
You can laugh without alcohol.
You can play games without alcohol.
You can have dinner without alcohol.
You can still toast, cheers and enjoy traditions without alcohol.
Stop believing the lie that you need it to have fun, or that it will make things more fun. Perhaps look at redefining what 'fun' is - and what it feels like!
If you need alcohol to make something more fun, is it possible that the thing you are doing just isn't something you find fun?
If someone turns down a drink, let them.
If someone wants to change their lifestyle, let them.
If you want to turn down a drink, turn it down.
If you want to change your lifestyle, do it.
If you drink because you think it makes people like you, why do you think you aren't enough as you are?
Do you want to hang out with people that only like you if you are drinking? How backwards is that... honestly?! If someone doesn't like me because I don't drink, no sweat off my back! That isn't about me.
Essentially I just want to put it out there that you don't have to drink if you don't want to.
You might read this and roll your eyes - "sure Hayley, easy for you to say." And quite honestly, it wasn't always easy for me to say that. Not at all actually, considering I was a people pleaser to the absolute maximum. Then I realized life is way too short to be anyone other than you.
How do you want to end 2024? How do you want to begin 2025?
Is alcohol serving you?
Is it taking more than it is giving?
Life doesn't end because you choose to stop drinking, you can actually think of it like a fresh new chapter!
And always remember, you're never alone.
Comments